The seven habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey

A fulfilling life is grounded in valued principles

The seven habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey is a classic that I re-read recently. The emphasis is on fundamental traits to produce long-term personal change, rather than quick fixes or other superficial techniques. Covey is highly critical of the ‘personality ethic’ in self-help literature [by which I assume he is partially referring to ‘How to win friends and influence people’].

The main take-home is that a fulfilling life comes from deriving all your decisions around values that everyone would agree are virtuous e.g. honestly, generosity, kindness, patience. Then, embody them in all you do.

Some points:

• Primary greatness is having personal values that align with fundamental truths/principles
  • Secondary greatness is only how you are viewed by society and can be patched by quick fixes. However it won’t be long-lasting unless it is led by your values first
  • It is through primary greatness you will feel fulfilled
• Our character is a function of our habits. Habits come from a combination of your attitudes and behaviours
  • Your attitudes and behaviours originate in how you conceptualise the world (your ‘paradigm’)
    • How you and society see each other
    • No matter how objective you might think you’re being, you’re still being subjective
  • So, to change your character you must change your habits, and often this requires a paradigm shift
• Effectiveness is the ideal balance between production and production capacity
  • Think of Aesop’s goose and the golden egg
• Both effectiveness and fulfilment come from working on your person values
  • E.g. to be trusted, first be trustworthy
• Habits are the intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire
• “Successful people dislike many habits just as much as everyone else but it is subordinated by the strength of their purpose”

1. Be proactive = the ability to decide how we respond to situations [like Viktor Frankl’s description of to determine how we suffer]

• Proactive people focus on their circle of influence (which is always smaller than your circle of concern)
• This puts you in control of your life by deciding how to act; don’t just be reactive
• Be the verb

2. Begin with the end in mind = live each day to uphold the values you want to put forward as characterising your life

• Think about the eulogy that would come from your friends/family/work/community
• Think of this as ‘life leadership’ (where habit 3 is ‘life management’)
  • “Leadership is doing the right things; management is doing things right”
• Management is effectively climbing the ladder of success but leadership is making sure that the ladder is against the correct wall
• Write a mission statement that is a combination of what you want to be (character) and what contribution you want to make
  • If well articulated, you can weigh all your decisions against this mission statement
  • Think of your roles, the goals you have for each, and then how this applies to your mission statement
• Diversify your identity

3. Put first things first = the personal management to live accord to [2], which takes will, integrity, and discipline

• This often means doing things you don’t want to, in order to keep value-centred
• Always choose integrity over loyalty
• Focus on important, not urgent tasks
• Plan weekly using roles > goals > schedule and then adjust daily as needed
• Delegate by focusing on the results you want but let the other people decide the methods
  • Just point out major pitfalls

4. Think win-win = having an ‘abundance mindset’ and personal integrity

• This is the opposite of zero sum
• Go for “no deal” when win-win is not possible

5. Seek first to understand, then to be understood

• Especially before judging someone/something
• Avoid probing, advising, and evaluating autobiographically
• Listen effectively by conveying both content and emotion of what someone has told you
• Try to present your own ideas using the paradigms of the audience
• In order to influence, you must first be influenced
• Listening is a ‘trust deposit’
• Try to never make a promise you cannot keep (especially as a parent)

6. Synergise

• Genuinely believe in the benefit from differences
• Then look to understand the better middle ground

7. Sharpen the saw = self-renewal

• In all domains: physical, mental, emotional/social, & spiritual
• The busier you are, the more you need to reflect in order for spiritual renewal
• Most gains in all forms of growth come from the end of training when it is the hardest

This is a powerful book with moving examples. I have read several books that encourage grounding your decisions in your values but few actually discuss how to go about defining those values. Perhaps this isn’t as tricky and I sometimes think it is, but if you are meant to base your life (and decisions) around a few core values then it is probably worth putting serious consideration into. 

[Clearly there are a large number of summaries of Covey’s 7 habits. As with all books, I found it useful going back through it again. You can find many other, more detailed summaries online. If in doubt, just read the whole book.]

More books like this:

• Man’s search for meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
• The road less travelled by Scott Peck

Useful links:

• Here are one, two, and three further summaries/reflections on this book for comparison